TV’S HOTTEST NUMBERS
by Vinay Menon
March 29, 2006
Week by week, these female characters sizzle
To quote a Victoria’s Secret ad: “What is sexy?”
The May issue of FHM, the glossy men’s magazine, includes its annual list of “The 100 Sexiest Women in the World,” in which Scarlett Johansson earned the top spot.
She was followed by: Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Keira Knightley, Halle Berry, Jenny McCarthy, Maria Sharapova, Carmen Electra and Teri Hatcher.
The upcoming issue will have Smallville’s Erica Durance on the cover. This seems ironic since only one woman in the Top 10 (Hatcher) is currently a regular on the small screen.
So. A hasty decision was made yesterday to compile … the 10 Sexiest Female Characters On TV!
Unlike FHM’s reader-voted list, this one is not democratic. So I am prepared for charges of bias, omission and all-around-jackassery.
Two things should be kept in mind. 1. I am a few diopters away from being legally blind. 2. I am a heterosexual man, which means that, on principle, characters from The L Word were automatically disqualified.
But, ladies, if today’s dispatch strikes you as sexist and you have ideas for a male list, email your hunky suggestions. If there is sufficient response, I shall revisit the subject.* (*May be written under a pseudonym.)
For today’s list, physical appearance is not the only factor. And, remember, I am referring to a character, not the actress.
Here now, the 10 Sexiest Female Characters On TV:
10. Sun Kwon (Yunjin Kim), Lost
Pretty, sweet, nurturing and mysterious, Sun is an enigma wrapped inside an eastern riddle. Think back to the time she poisoned Jin to keep him off the raft. Now that’s love. Plus, Sun looks as resplendent frolicking in a bathing suit as she does tending to her medicinal garden under the Pacific sky.
9. Samantha “Sam” Jane (Vanessa Marcil), Las Vegas
Casinos, good. Hot girls, good. Hot girls who work in casinos … priceless. Sam may disarm high-rollers with her coquettish grin and spare-no-expense problem-solving, but she can be tough, which is a sexy combo. And nobody looks better in stilettos and white pleatless pants.
8. Cheryl David (Cheryl Hines), Curb Your Enthusiasm
Cheryl is playful, coy and unbelievably patient, as you might expect from the wife of a misanthrope. But Cheryl is also sexy in a stealthy way, a byproduct of her do-gooding impulses and dazzling smile. When Cheryl laughs, nothing else matters on TV.
7. Olivia Benson (Mariska Hargitay), Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
The emotional complexity of Det. Benson is omni-present. Street-smart yet caring, Olivia swallows the job’s horrors and spits out empathy. Sometimes, when the light catches her in profile, you’re reminded of Jayne Mansfield, Hargitay’s mother.
6. Catherine Willows (Marg Helgenberger), CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Only in Vegas could a nice girl from Montana go from being a stripper to a Level 3 forensic expert who specializes in blood splatter analysis. Hot! Catherine is fetching even when she’s in the drab lab piecing together a heinous crime scene. To repeat: she was an exotic dancer.
5. Andrea Moreno (Aisha Tyler), Ghost Whisperer
Andrea works in an antique store with her best gal-pal, who just happens to be a buxom clairvoyant. But with her immaculate bone structure, pouting lips and sultry expression, Andrea is never out-sexied by the paranormal.
4. Summer Roberts (Rachel Bilson), The O.C.
In a couple of seasons, Summer went from prissy über-bitch to lovable Newport debutante. Summer still has a temper. But these days, when her nose crinkles up and she issues a sarcastic rejoinder, Summer is hopelessly adorable.
3. Audrey Raines (Kim Raver), 24
Everest-high cheekbones, flawless skin and a withering glance that is utterly captivating, Audrey brings sex appeal into the sexless world of counter-terrorism. As we learned this week, Audrey is not as strait-laced as was once believed, which only made her more damn attractive.
2. Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria), Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle should be easy to despise: rich, spoiled, impetuous, the former runway model has also cheated on husband Carlos with a teenage gardener. But look closer and you see a stunning beauty who knows exactly what she wants and how to get it, something that can’t be said of her desperate neighbours on Wisteria Lane.
1. Pam Beesley (Jenna Fischer), The Office
Pam is the girl-next-cubicle. The best friend you can never have. The funny, sensitive, soft-spoken receptionist who tolerates the mindless inanity swirling in the office and can make it vanish with one nervous quip. Pam is beautiful in an understated way, a light in the darkness that is work.
*Special thanks to High304 for sharing this article with us.