THE LATE, LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON – TRANSCRIPT OF MARG’S INTERVIEW
Craig: My first guest today is a fantastic actress. She stars on the mega hit show āCSI.ā The 8th season starts tomorrow at 9 oāclock right here on CBS. Take a look at this.
(clip from CSI is shown)
Craig: Marg Helgenberger everybody!
Marg: Thank you! Hi!
Marg: What a cool crowd!
Craig: Arenāt they lovely?
Marg: They are.
Craig: Yes, theyāre very nice people. And how lovely to see you!
Marg: You too Craig!
Craig: You look lovely. You look absolutely lovely!
Marg: Thank you!
Craig: A little softer than you look on the show if you donāt mind me saying so. No, you donāt look like so arrrghhh (makes a fierce face) you know, got to get it done.
Marg: Well, yeah and I always have on tight pants.
Craig: Yeah. Iām not against the whole tight pants thing, but ah, but this is lovely. This is a lovelyā¦
Marg: No. Thank you! I seldom wear skirts on that show.
Craig: Yeah, yeah, why?
Marg: āCause Iām always like crouching down, picking up⦠you know?
Craig: Exactly my point!
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: Eight seasons youāve been doing this thingā¦
Marg: Itās about time that I crouch down in a skirt, isnāt it?
Craig: Well, anytime you can make it, Marg. Iām good.
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: What about the⦠do you get bored after eight years of doing the same?
Marg: The answer to that would be yes (laughs). But, honestly, you know what, when you do a long show, as Iām sure you will learn, ācause this is your third year?
Craig: Third year, yeah, yeah, yeah. Iāve done six hundred of these or somethingā¦
Marg: You know, it becomes about, itās so much it becomes about the people, you know, that you hope you love all the people in whatever profession that you workā¦
Craig: I routinely every six weeks fire them all.
Marg: To keep it fresh, I understand that.
Craig: Keeps, keeps, keeps everyone on their toes.
Marg: Absolutely!
Craig: Yeah.
Marg: You know, you need that edge.
Craig: Do you have a lot of different, youāve worked with the same people for these eight years?
Marg: Itās been the same cast and a lot of the same crew and many of the same writers. Of course, you know, we spun-off on two, two other showsā¦
Craig: Yes, CSI Miami and CSI ācanāt believe thereās no butterā, CSIā¦
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: All of these CSIās⦠itās a huge deal though.
Marg: The show really started, kind of started, this all new genre of forensicsā¦
Craig: Yeah, yeah, yeah I know the procedure all draws us inā¦
Marg: Yeah, the procedural for⦠and is forensics.
Craig: Forensics thingā¦
Marg: Specifically, yeah.
Craig: You do a lot of a blood spatter business.
Marg: That seemed to be my specialty when I was first starting off, now⦠and then it became like umm finding, illuminating proteins. You know what I mean by that, right?
Craig: I donāt have any idea what you mean by that.
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: Why is it everybodyā¦
Marg: Iāll get in trouble if I say what it is. I got in trouble once for saying what I did, butā¦
Craig: Oh, I see!
Marg: Can I use a euphemism forā¦
Craig: Proteins!
Marg: For proteins, for, for sperm. I used a euphemism that wasnāt quite, I guess appropriate for⦠it was at another late night show, wasnāt yours, butā¦
Craig: There is another one?
Marg: (laughs) Itās not on anymore.
Craig: Oh, it was?
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: Pat Sajak?! Youāve been going that long?
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: Marg! Thatās a miracle, I know. So youāre the expert on the⦠do you know anything about this stuff really? I meanā¦
Marg: Oh, yeah, well I do now, yeah, yes.
Craig: Right, did you pick it up?
Marg: Yeah, yes, but we have, you know, weāre having to say a lot of the same things. (rolls her sleeves)
Craig: Are you gonna beat me up? Why are you rolling your sleeves up? Whatās going on?
Marg: I donāt know why.
Craig: Iāve had enough of this crap, buddy (pretends to roll sleeves). Come on! (shakes fists)
Marg: I see why you keep it cool in here. It was cold out there though, but itās kind of warming up in here, isnāt it?
Craig: Oh no, itās cold everywhere else. Itās just gonna warm up here, thatās all Iām saying.
Marg: I know. Itās your presence.
Craig: Thatās it.
Marg: Aha.
Craig: It was the whole conversation about crouching down in the skirt. It went in a different direction.
Marg: And sperm (laughs).
Craig: Then I thought it was gonna go.
Marg: Crouching down in the skirt and sperm.
Craig: Yeah, yeah. Now, how was (laughs)ā¦
Marg: Thatās where it took a turn.
Craig: Thatās where it took a turn.
Marg: Heat it up! (laughs)
Craig: Howās your husband and your young son? How are things there?
Marg: They are really good.
Craig: Yeah, howās, I wasā¦
Marg: My son is a senior in high school now.
Craig: Stop! Really?
Marg: Yeah, so I ahhā¦
Craig: You mustāve had him when you were ten!
Marg: Oh well, yeah, I did. You know, itās like the empty nest thing is, Iām, Iām, Iām, I have to face that now.
Craig: You have been going to colleges. Yeah.
Marg: Yeah.
Craig: Where is he gonna go?
Marg: Iām not sure ācause, you know, the quote-unquote experts now tell you to umm shoot for ten schools, apply to ten different schoolsā¦
Craig: Right.
Marg: Elite schools, safety schools, schools in betweenā¦
Craig: Yeah.
Marg: I donāt know, he wants a big school, bigā¦
Craig: What does he wanna do? Does he know what he wants?
Marg: ⦠like Division One athletics, would it⦠it doesnāt, he doesnāt know what he wants to do.
Craig: Right, well then heāll definitely have to go to school.
Marg: (laughs) Yeah.
Craig: You gotta fill the time until you can think of what youāre gonna do. Thatās what itās all about!
Marg: I know, exactly! Yeah.
Craig: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you, did you do the whole college thing? Did you go? Did you study andā¦
Marg: I did, I went to college. Both my husband and I are college graduates, so we are very, you know, encouraging him.
Craig: What did you do, what did you study in college?
Marg: I did. I studied theater.
Craig: Really?
Marg: Yes, I did. I went to Northwestern and⦠which is a great school and Iād love it for him to go there, but itās a hard school to get into these days.
Craig: Is it really?
Marg: Well, it was then too, but it really is now.
Craig: And youāre from, where are you from?
Marg: Iām from the Midwest, Iām from Nebraska.
Craig: That, that I see, you look, your outfit is a little bit Midwest. I like it. Itās very, yeah.
Marg: Really? Does it speak? Itās sayingā¦
Craig: Yeah, I know, itās, itās kind of like ācome on in and get some hot griddly cakesā now, you know that, I canā¦
Marg: (laughs) Griddly cakes.
Craig: Thatās how it is in my head anyway, yeah (laughs).
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: Yeah.
Marg: Sausages, I guess, wouldāve been from Nebraska, yeah.
Craig: And sausages are fine too, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, youāre from theā¦whereabouts in the Midwest are you from?
Marg: Nebraska, very tiny little town, a rural town, called North Bend.
Craig: Do you go back there a lot?
Marg: A fair amount, yes, yes.
Craig: North Bend is the name of the town, lovely name.
Marg: North Bend, Nebraska. I actually have a, my street, a street named after me in my hometown in North Bend.
Craig: Stop it!
Marg: Helgenberger Avenue. Yes, the street, the corner in which I grew up.
Craig: They named a street after you?
Marg: Yeah!
Craig: Iāve got a street named after me in Glasgow, Drunk Road, right over there.
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: Drunk and Loser, Iām right in the corner of Drunk and Loser.
Craig: Thatās quite an honor though, a street named after you. Thatās amazing.
Marg: Well, it was really sweet actually. It was very, you know, ācause the schoolā¦there was a program at the high school. Itās a tiny town, twelve hundred people and they had done a program of some scenes that I had done when I was in high school, the kids had worked up you know. It was very sweet.
Craig: And were you an expert on proteins back then? Or were you just ahhā¦
Marg: No . No. (laughs)
(audience laughs)
Craig: Oh stop, I didnāt mean that! (to the audience)
Craig: God, theyāre… so how did youā¦
Marg: Well I guess we took them down that road, didnāt we?
Craig: Well we did, thatās of course, yeah.
Craig: Do you, when, when this is all done, when you finish with the, with the show, will you stay in L.A.? Or would you think youāll go back to the Midwest and just like come out and do movies and stuff and then go back there? What do you think?
Marg: I donāt anticipate moving back to the Midwest. Perhaps Chicago though, ācause I went to school in Chicago, yes, and you know, they have a really lively community theater in Chicago and itās a great city.
Craig: Yeah.
Marg: But Iād, I had probably be more of a sort of urban, Iām, I donāt know, Iā¦
Craig: You like, do you watch football ācauseā¦
Marg: I fantasized about cities when I was growing up.
Craig: Really?
Marg: Yeah, I guess ācause I had, I had such the opposite experience.
Craig: To point out Los Angeles, just point to the rough area where youād like to go.
Marg: I know. I actually didnāt fantasize about L.A., I thought Iād fantasize about it, you know.
Craig: Do you like it here? Do you enjoy it?
Marg: I, you know, L.A. has been really good to me and I, Iā¦
Craig: Yes, I know. A lot of people say bad things about it but Iā¦
Marg: They always do! Itās, it gets a bad rap a lot of the time.
Craig: Well, I think people late⦠it seems more sophisticated if youāre bitter. You know what I mean? You always, you always seem like āOh, he must be smart ācause heās very bad temperedāā¦
Marg: Yeah, I get it.
Craig: You know, itās like a front that people put up āOh yeah, I hate everything cause Iām so brainyā. Itās just rubbish.
Marg: Yes, I know.
Craig: Itās rubbish, yeah. Are you quite a cheerful person, or are you grumpy?
Marg: Iām on the whole, I suppose, Iām more on the cheerful side.
Craig: Yeah.
Marg: But, you know, when I make, when Iām back to myself in my own, you know, private moments, I suppose Iām sort of more (makes a grimacing face).
Craig: Really?
Marg: Yeah, yeah.
Craig: I think all artists are a bit like that, donāt you think?
Marg: Yeah, I guess so.
Craig: Like a big kind of āhmm God everything is so sadā.
Marg: (laughs) Yeah, itās the comedy-tragedy thing.
Craig: Comedy-tragedy. You know, when Iām not on the air, I walk around and say āoh Godā (makes a grumpy face).
Marg: Itās broo, brooding, like a brooding thing.
Craig: Sometimes during the monologue, Iām like āoh Godā (makes a grumpy face again).
Marg: (laughs) But they think itās an act, and they think itās funny.
Craig: Oh no no no, thatās when Iām doing the (makes the face again and mumbles).
Marg: (laughs)
Craig: But listen, I, Iām so excited for this show starting again.
Marg: You are?
Craig: Itās a monster success!
Marg: Oh, thank you!
Craig: And you are fabulous in it, well done! Largely due I think to your presence on the show.
Marg: Oh, thank you!
Craig: Marg Helgenberger everybody! Weāll be right back!
*A special thanks goes out to Andry for transcribing this interview*