THE WAYNE BRADY SHOW (TRANSCRIPT OF MARG’S INTERVIEW)
September 25, 2003
(Wayne is singing a song about CSI)
Wayne: Ladies and Gentleman, starting her fourth straight season tonight, please welcome Marg Helgenberger.
(Marg comes out and starts dancing with Wayne)
Wayne: Now Marg…
Marg: Thank you. That was so sweet.
Wayne: What I want to point out to everyone is that Marg Helgenberger did that in heels.
Marg: Not very well, I might add.
Wayne: Not only can she bust a perp…you can track someone using a piece of dandruff, but you did that in heels. Very, very nice.
Marg: Not really. I am a much better dancer than that.
Wayne: It was great.
Marg: It’s hard, you know. You’re so damn good.
Wayne: Oh, come on. No, I’ll tell you what’s hard.
Marg: It’s so true. Isn’t he? He’s so talented.
Wayne: No, I’ll tell you what’s hard is your name. Now I’ve watched you for years and I know your name. But all during rehearsal and I’m writing down…I would say Marge Helenbergega. People must slaughter your name constantly. It’s Marg Helgenberger.
Marg: Yes, It’s all hard G’s. In fact, the name of my production company is “Don’t call me Marge” because it’s just butchered so much. It’s an unusual name. Most people say “well, is that short for Margaret?” No, it’s actually my middle name. Mary Marg is my full name.
Wayne: Mary Marg.
Marg: Yes, It’s a… or Margi
Wayne: Is it German? Or Dutch?
Marg: My mother worked in a…with her nurses training.
Wayne: Swahili?
Marg: It’s sort of German, Irish. That’s what I am actually.
Wayne: Me too. No really. Yavole Ha ha ha ha.
Marg: Hey, congratulations on the Emmy the other night.
Wayne: Thank you. Don’t be putting it back on me, Marg.
Marg: I must, I must. Because this was such a big year for you. Daytime Emmy, Primetime Emmy, a new baby. I mean, my gosh.
Wayne: But I’ll tell you what I didn’t get. Now maybe I got the Emmy, but you were named one of the, I think, top 10 best dressed people at the Emmys. You were number 3. She looked incredible. Do we have a photo? Look at the. Look at you. Dazzling.
Marg: Well, you know I have to thank a lot of people for that. I don’t walk out of bed looking like…get out of bed looking like that.
Wayne: I almost had the same purse. We would have been so embarrassed if we showed up like that.
Marg: No kidding. That was a nice little honor. Even though I didn’t get the Emmy, I got some fashion award.
Wayne: Yeah, but you looked so good not getting it. Some people looked horrible. No, no really. That with some people their name is not called and they’re like (Wayne makes a face and weird noise)
But you, you looked beautiful and your dress was nice and tight. You looked great.
Marg: Thank you, Wayne.
Wayne: And I have to say congratulations to you. Fourth season. Fourth season of CSI.
Marg: Yes
Wayne: And that went really fast. It seems like you just came on yesterday.
Marg: I know. I feel the same way. I have to remind myself that we have been doing this for three years. It’s so funny. Just out of the blue, I get a call from Yolanda McCleary, who’s the Las Vegas…she works with the Las Vegas Crime Lab, a criminalist there. And she was calling to ask my opinion about…A&E wants to do something with her. It’s funny the effect that the show’s had.
Wayne: The real people are calling you?
Marg: Well yeah, because she was called by a producer for A&E about a show having to do with a real criminalist, a real detective. and a real psychologist to enter a crime scene and sort of give their take on it. She wanted to know my opinion. ‘Should I do this? Should I do the pilot?’ And she says, ‘Because you know my job is stressful as it is. I don’t want to add more stress to it.’
Wayne: Well, it’s a good thing she didn’t actually call you and say, ‘all we have is a leg and a comb. What should I do?’ ‘ Umm, let’s see what page 15 says.’
Marg: I know, I know.
Wayne: So is she gonna do it?
Marg: I told her, I said ‘you know, hey it sounds like you are the one that’s holding the cards. Say you’ll do the pilot and then you’ll see after that.’
Wayne: Good advice.
Marg: We’ve actually solved crimes together when I rode with her once. We had a good time. It was a home burglary. It wasn’t anything serious.
Wayne: So it wasn’t anything as creepy as what you…
Marg: No. We did do a dead body too. But I won’t get into that. It’s daytime.
Wayne: Well, daytime or nighttime, dead is dead.
Marg: Dead is dead. Right.
Wayne: It doesn’t change because of the time. Oh, it’s past six, that’s good. But you’ve seen a real dead body. So what’s the creepiest thing?
Marg: And I’ve witnessed autopsies too, yeah. I observed a couple of autopsies. Yeah.
Wayne: So what’s the creepiest thing you had to do on CSI?
Marg: The creepiest thing I had to do…
Wayne: The absolute creepiest.
Marg: We actually had to climb up and down a landfill. A big mound of real trash in a landfill. That was pretty gnarly.
Wayne: Trash is even worse than dead bodies. I would think so.
Marg: Yeah, it was pretty gnarly. Yeah. And I was with Jorja Fox and George Eads, and they were bitching to high heaven. They just did not want to do it. I’m just a little more adventurous. I sort of focused on the fact that there was a falcon there because a bunch of seagulls float around land fills looking for garbage.
Wayne: Using you for target practice.
Marg: Well, I suppose so. Obviously they’re looking for garbage to eat. They want to keep the seagull population down, because they’ll just take that and spread it to the lakes and they don’t want to spread the bacteria. So they bring in the falcons because a falcon is like an assassin. They just zoom at speeds of 200 miles per hour and they clock the seagulls and keep them away forever. Well, for the day. I don’t know what I’m talking about. That didn’t even answer…
Wayne: That was fascinating to me.
Marg: Well see, I thought it was too.
Wayne: Really, you didn’t answer the question, but I’m along for the ride. And then there were birds and then the bird came down. Where was I?
Wayne: Folks, when we come back we’re going to have more from Marg Helgenberger.
(Commercial break and clips from CSI are shown)
Wayne: Welcome back, folks. I’m here with Marg Helgenberger. Watching that clip is just like when I watch the show at home. I think it’s a great show, But I don’t know what you guys are talking about. 22cc’s of the slip the back of the… blah blah blah blah
Marg: We barely know what we’re talking about.
Wayne: It’s incredible that you can memorize all of the medical jargon and throw it out there. Good for you.
Marg: It’s a challenge sometimes to pull it off. I have to know what I’m talking about too. But we have technical advisors.
Wayne: Tell me why can’t the guys in CSI just go, ummm, he did it. Why can’t anyone just say he’s dead. He got cut.
Marg: Instead of going through the whole scientific explanation?
Wayne: Yeah. Just sliced 15 millimeters past the left ventricle…on his trachea.
Marg: That’s a good question. I guess it’s because now we have an obligation to educate in addition to entertain.
Wayne: Edutainment.
Marg: Edutainment. Exactly, yes.
Wayne: See, because you entertain me. Yes, it’s true. You educated me about falcons and trash and seagulls. I still don’t know, but it sounds good.
Marg: The fastest animal on the planet apparently…when they’re soaring.
Wayne: Okay, but on land it’s the cheetah, yes.
Marg: Yeah. Probably, yeah.
Wayne: Yeah, just agree with me because you don’t know either. She’s like, ‘yeah.’
Wayne: So, tell me before you had to memorize a lot of medical and cop jargon, what did you do? The world you did before becoming an actress.
Marg: Well, a few things. Of course, a waitress. What actress worth her salt has not waited tables? The one job that most people are endlessly fascinated by is the fact that I worked in a meat packing plant when I was living in Nebraska. I grew up in Nebraska.
Wayne: Training for CSI.
Marg: Training for CSI, exactly. Working with blood and, you know, blood clots and knives and what not.
Wayne: What were you doing in the meat packing?
Marg: I did a number of jobs. One of the jobs I had was called a boner. I worked with knives. Yes, a boner, boning out… (audience laughs)
Wayne: Come on now, let her… Come on, tell us about your boning…
Marg: Trimming fat off of tenderloin and (Marg starts laughing)
Wayne: What’s wrong, Marg Helgenberger?
Marg: Being tossed into inedible tubs. That happened to me once.
Wayne: Normally when I think of people working in meat packing I think of Rocky hitting beef. I don’t think of you in the… ‘I’m going to hit you meat.’ I just don’t see that.
Marg: You know, if you hit the meat, you would probably be bounced on your ass. It would be ‘You’re outta here.’ In fact, you know, when I got knocked in that inedible tub, the foreman was more interested in the beef being injured then poor me in the inedible tub.
Wayne: Because that beef cost a lot of money.
Marg: Exactly. You can always get another employee.
Wayne: But you can’t get another side of beef. Isn’t that true?
Marg: No, you can’t.
Wayne: Let’s talk about your family a little bit.
Marg: Alrighty.
Wayne: Your husband. He’s also on a CBS show The Guardian.
Marg: That’s right. Alan Rosenberg.
Wayne: Used to be on Cybill.
Marg: Yes, that’s right, and a few other shows. It’s a great show. It premiered last… eason 3 premiered last night. It’s a wonderfully written show and acted and directed. It’s different, so completely different than CSI. Character driven.
Wayne: And you have a thirteen year old son who must be completely stoked that both his parents are on TV. That’s a good Christmas.
Marg: You would think he should be. Not nearly enough.
Wayne: Yes, he should be.
Marg: (Marg imitates Hughie’s voice) ‘Um, whatever.’
(Picture of Marg, Alan and Hughie is shown)
Marg: There he is. Look at him.
Wayne: He’s like ‘whatever.’
Marg: He’s got that ‘whatever’ expression on.
Wayne: Because he’s a teenager.
Marg: I know, I know.
Wayne: They’re allowed to say ‘whatever’. I think you say that up until you’re twenty-one, I think.
Marg: So I understand. So I got a lot of ‘whatevers’ ahead of me. But you know monosyllabic conversation. ‘How are you?’ ‘Good.’ ‘What did you do today?’ ‘Nothing.’
Wayne: What kind of slang does he throw at you? Because you know teenagers always have the new slang.
Marg: Oh yeah. In fact when he watches the show, he loves the effects because they are pretty awesome, let’s face it. Tight, Sweet, Off the Heezie.
Wayne: Off the Heezie, which is, you know what, a first. I don’t think I have ever heard that come out of your mouth. That’s very interesting. Marg Helgenberger saying ‘Off the heezie, phascheezie mykneezie’(sp??) Look at you.
Wayne: I thank you for coming and thank you for dancing with me.
Marg: My pleasure. Thank you for that song.
Wayne: I just have to say a couple of things. Something I didn’t get a chance to go to. I’m looking at these cards. October is breast cancer awareness month. Marg has a tie in to that. It’s something that you speak about a lot.
Marg: Yes.
Wayne: Can you say one thing about it before we go?
Marg: Of course. I got into it because my mother is a breast cancer survivor, a twenty-three year survivor. My husband and I actually hold a charity golf tournament in Omaha. It’s a lot of fun, in addition to raising money and bringing awareness to the cause.
Wayne: Well, thank you so much for using your celebrity and your knowledge to do that for us.
Wayne: You can catch Marg Helgenberger on CSI. The season premieres tonight at 9:00pm on CBS
*Special thanks to fox1 for transcribing this interview.