LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O’BRIEN (TRANSCRIPT OF MARG’S INTERVIEW)
Transcript of Marg’s Interview
June 6, 2007
Conan: Our first guest is an Emmy Award winning actress who stars on one of the biggest shows on television, CSI. Now, she can also be seen co-starring with Kevin Costner in the film Mr. Brooks. Please welcome Marg Helgenberger!
Marg: Thank you!
Conan: Thatâs a nice outfit youâre wearing. Itâs summerâŠsummeryâŠ
Marg: Summery, yeah. Very feminine.
Conan: Yeah. You look fantastic.
Marg: Thank you.
Conan: Thank you for being here.
Marg: Thank you for having me. Itâs always fun to be here. I havenât been here for a few years.
Conan: Yeah.
Marg: Itâs great to be in New York. Oh my God, the weather is perfect.
Conan: Itâs perfect right now. Outside itâs the perfect temperature. Thatâs why weâve left our windows open. The breezeâŠ
Marg: I can feel it.
Conan: coming straight through. Play along, everyone.
Marg: I walked to the park today. It was fantastic.
Conan: Thatâs nice.
Marg: Washington Square Park yesterday.
Conan: Yeah. I was noticing something today actually â just before the show, we go through the meeting where we go over all the different cards for things. And I was looking at your name and I was thinking itâs funny because so many people, you know, change their name when they decide they want to get into show business to something like Blaze Storm or Conan OâBrien (audience laughs)âŠbecause I was Chip Whitley and that wasnât going to wash, and uhhhâŠbut youâŠthis is your real name.
Marg: My real name.
Conan: Did you get pressureâŠMarg HelgenbergerâŠDid anyone say like, âyou gotta get something sleekerâ?
Marg: The only time I was actually asked to change my name. And I did, briefly, for two months, was when I was nineteen years old and I was a weekend weather girl in Kearney, Nebraska, and ummmâŠthey changedâŠI changed it to Margi McCarty, which was my grandmotherâs maiden name, McCarty.
Conan: Margi McCartyâŠ
Marg: Margi McCarty, yes. Mmmhmmm.
Conan: ThatâsâŠhereâs Margi McCarty (audience laughs). I like it! âHereâs Margi McCarty with the weather, the local weather, Margi McCarty.â
Marg: Yes, thatâs right.
Conan: That works. And so uhhh, butâŠand so you changed it and it was a good decision. Why did you change it for that program but notâŠ
Marg: Well, I changed it because the anchor team consisted of Harvey Knocklinger and Joyce Eisenminger (everyone laughs). It would have been the Knocklinger, Eisenminger, Helgenberger Report.
Conan: Yeah!
Marg: And I was the low person on the totem poleâŠ
Conan: Sounds like a kooky law firm.
Marg: Exactly.
Conan: Thatâs funny, yeah. What is it again? Eisenberger? What is it?
Marg: Knocklinger and Eisenminger
Conan: Thatâs great. They didnât changeâŠ
Marg: No! Well, I was the little newbie.
Conan: Right. So they made you change. Thatâs not right. I understand.
Marg: But I got outta there.
Conan: Well, you got out of there and youâre back to Marg Helgenberger. Now, what aboutâŠthis would be flattering â youâre not doing it, but you were offered a photoshoot in Playboy Magazine. Is that right?
Marg: Yeah. I was offeredâŠ
(audience laughs and claps, and some wolf whistles are heard)
Marg: OfferedâŠ
Conan: Sorry. I said she’s not going to do it. Someone said, âYES!â
Marg: Uhhh. Very flattering, but I passed. I passed, yeah. Um, you know, my husband would have beenâŠMy husband actually started boasting to his buddies a little bit, saying, you know, âYou know, my wife was offered the cover of Playboy.â
(Conan and audience laugh)
Marg: And one of his friends was really funny about it. He said, âshe really ought to that take up because the next offerâs going to be the cover of AARP. (Everyone laughs)
Conan: What nice friends!
Marg: I know, I know. You gotta know this guy to understandâŠ
Conan: No, itâs cool though. Itâs flatteringâŠ
Marg: Yeah, of course.
Conan: Now, what about CSI? This show is everywhere. Do youâŠ
Marg: You canât get away from us.
Conan: Yeah, well no, itâs a terrific show. Itâs all throughout the world. Do they promote the show everywhere?
Marg: Yes.
Conan: Do you ever go to other countries to help promote it?
Marg: Yes. A couple of years ago, I went to Rome and England and went to The Vatican. In fact, I recently got a request to be a guest on The Vatican Radio Hour, and IâŠI get a fair amount of requests and I guess I sort of spaced it off and didnât deal with it right away. And I heard from themâŠa chastisement, you know, like aâŠ. âWe canât understand why MargâŠMs. Helgenberger has not responded to His Holinessâs requestâ and I felt so guiltyâŠlike this major guilt was on meâŠand I said, âYou know what, when I get backâŠâ
Conan: When people turn us down, thatâs what I say. When people turn us down for requests: âWe canât understand why your Holiness wasnât responded to right awayâ (audience laughs)
Marg: You were raised Catholic, right?
Conan: I was raised Catholic, yeah.
Marg: Yeah, so you know the whole guilt thing.
Conan: Yeah. They were playing on that guilt.
Marg: And I responded! I reacted. I said, âOh, when I get back from New Yor, Iâll take care of it. Iâll take care of it, sure!â But they told me like as an enticement âOh, these are some of the people who, you know, have been a part of thisâ and one of them was Steven Seagal, which they said in parentheses âwhom you have worked withâ. As if Iâd ever forget that I worked with Steven Seagal!
Conan: You know, Steven Seagal is uhhhhâŠ.
Marg: Heâs not an easy person to forget.
Conan: I think we always have a photo of Steven Seagal standing by. There he is (audience laughs because itâs a very unflattering picture) coming out of the all you can eat buffet at The Sizzler. (more laughter)
Marg: Whatâs he have in his hand? (everyone laughs)
Conan: Itâs a carp. Uhhh, he walks around now with a fish. I donât know what heâs got in his hand!
Conan: Thatâs so funny. Why is itâŠfirst of all, many questions. The Vatican Radio showâŠyouâd think theyâd be talking to spiritual leaders, but theyâre desperately trying to talk to Hollywood celebrities, AND, theyâre using the factâŠâWe got Steven Seagal on. Ehhh, pretty good!â
Marg: Well, whoâs Jewish, isnât he? I meanâŠ
Conan: Youâre asking me a lot of questions (more laughter)
Marg: Not that it matters, I guess. You know, butâŠ
Conan: Yeah. Heâs Jewish and he carries a fish around. Itâs âŠitâs a white fish. I donât know! I donât know whatâs happening.
Marg: Itâs chum?
Conan: It seems very strange to me, but Iâll talk to The Vatican about it later. We speak nightly.
Marg: Please tellâŠsend my apologies and Iâll take care of that ASPAP (makes funny face)
Conan: OkayâŠ
Marg: AARP, whatever.
Conan: Yeah, Iâll tell them you said ASPCA.
(everyone laughs)
Conan: Uhhh, I have a question for you, which is, of courseâŠeveryone loves the show CSI, but I have a concern, which is that your show actually seem toâŠI would think that show educates criminals about how to avoidâŠbecause you watch that show, youâre like âOh, okay. I see how to do it.â And on the show, youâre always making it very clear he wouldnât have been caught if heâd only gotten these three things that you can buy at any drug store and sprinkled it on the rug (audience laughs).
Marg: Well, yeah, we are educatingâŠweâre educating everyone, not just criminals. In fact, most people who watch that show or the many spinoffs and other derivativesâŠ
Conan: Right.
Marg: Ummm, know that if you were to commit a crime in which blood is involved andâŠthat you canât just use soap and water to clean up the blood. You have to use bleach. You have to bleach the floor.
Conan: So if youâre watching right now, remember â soap and water wonât get the blood out. Bleach! And youâll walk free for the remainder of your life (audience laughs).
Conan: It seemsâŠthatâs an interesting problem.
Marg: Well, yeah. Yeah. Because luminol, a product called luminol, when you spray it on aâŠwhat appears to be a drâŠ.(covers her mouth as audience laughs). Woops, I shouldâŠIâm going to shut up.
Conan: You keep going.
Marg: Luminol, you canât buy in the Rite Aid or the CVS Pharmacy or whatever it is out here (laughs)
Conan: Where can you get luminol?
Marg: UhhhâŠ.youâll have to take it up with meâŠ
Conan: Any Staples, I think. No. Staples, yeah.
Conan: Itâs an interesting problem. Have you ever had a device on your show, because they use, they feature real devices that are used by FBI and used by police forcesâŠhave they every shown youâŠWhatâs like the coolest device youâve seen recently?
Marg: Well, there was a machineâŠwe get a lot of state of the art equipment, which sadly, a lot of the crime labs donât have the resources to get, by anyway, there was a âŠ. (audience laughs)
Conan: So, again, the equipment the police have isnât very good (Marg has her head in her hands, laughing), so maybe go on that spree now before they get that equipment.
Marg: (laughing) I canât believe I said thatâŠI alwaysâŠ
Conan: No, itâs very easy to get away with a multiple murder.
Marg: Weâre always trying to do fundraisers to get money intoâŠ
Conan: Right.
Marg: Yeah. UmmmâŠI donât even know what the official name of this particular device is, but it literally, itâs some kind of infrared thing in whichâŠif you were to like sit down, and âŠI would leave my butt print there. But howâŠbutt prints arenât on fileâŠI donât reallyâŠI donât quite get how they canâŠtrack somebody downâŠ
Conan: Maybe you donât keep a file (audience laughs and Marg has her head in her hands again). For years on this show, Iâve been scanning the seats when the guests leave. I have the most extensive celebrity ass file in the world!
Marg: Weâll get you that butt print machine.
Conan: Iâm going to be called in by the FBI at some point. âConan will tell us who did it!â Ehhhhh (pretends to be scanning his file). âSteven Seagal! He stole that fish from your store!â (Marg and the audience laugh).
Conan: I want to make sure we get to this â the film, Mr. Brooks.
Marg: Yes.
Conan: This is with Kevin Costner, uhhh.
Marg: Yes, and William Hurt, and Demi Moore. Great cast.
Conan: Thatâs right. And a terrific cast. And he playsâŠyou were playing his wifeâŠ
Marg: Mmmhmm.
Conan: Heâs a serial killer, youâre his wife, and you have no idea. HeâsâŠand itâs believable when you watch because heâs so smooth. Heâs such a smoothie.
Marg: Heâs elegant. Heâs elegant, yes and he plays a man who leads a double life, and Iâm the goodâŠthe Dr. Jekyll part of his persona, and ummm, you know, Iâm very, we have a veryâŠheâs the perfect man, you know. To me! Heâs the great provider, great husband, great lover, great fatherâŠ
Conan: Mmmhmmm.
Marg: Blah blah blah blah blahâŠ..but you know, heâs got this addiction.
Conan: Right.
Marg: To murder.
Conan: Murder. (audience laughs). Ahhh, you always have to take the bad with the good. (audience laughs again).
Marg: Exactly. Thatâs marriage, you know.
Conan: We have a clip here. What can you tell us?
Marg: The clip, I believe, isâŠin the beginning of the film, Kevinâs character is honored as Man of the Year and we are returning from that particular even, and âŠyouâll see how much we like each other.
Conan: Terrific. Letâs take a look at this clip from Mr. Brooks.
(clip is shown)
Marg and Conan are talking as the clip stops but what they say is drowned out by the audience clapping.
Conan: Mr. Brooks is in theaters now. Marg, thank you so much for doing it. Always great having you on the show.
Marg: Thank you, Conan. Thank you.