THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON, TRANSCRIPT OF INTERVIEW
September 22, 2009
Craig: Our first guest tonight is an actress. A crocodile? No, not a crocodile, but almost as attractive. People love crocodiles, you know. Anyway, she’s the star of the CSI. The season premiere is on Thursday on CBS. Take a look at it.
(Clip of CSI shown)
Craig: Please welcome the very beautiful Marg Helgenberger, everybody.
Craig: Hey, hey!
Craig: How are you?
Marg: I’m good. How are you?
Craig: You look sensational.
Marg: Thank you! You too! I hadn’t realized you’d lost so much weight.
Craig: Yes, I’ve lost a ton of weight.
Marg: I know. I didn’t know you had that much weight to lose.
Craig: I’ve got more to lose.
Marg: No, you don’t. Really, no you look great. Don’t lose anymore.
Craig: Thank you. Really, was I fat?
Marg: I don’t think so. You look so different.
Craig: Twenty-five pounds.
Marg: That’s a lot.
Craig: It is a lot, and all from one area.
Craig: How are you? You good? You look sensational. I love your dress. What color is that? Is that teal color?
Marg: You’re absolutely right.
Marg: Teal, very good. You know your colors.
Craig: I used to be European. I know yes, teal. Shoes, oh nice shoes! Look at that.
Marg: They’re some kind of sparkly things. They’re old though. I’ve had them for quite a long time.
Craig: Well, you still have a label on the bottom here.
(Craig picks tag off bottom of Marg’s shoe)
Marg: I can’t believe that.
Craig: And that’s an expensive pair of shoes. Even if they’re, I mean…
Marg: I got them, both of these, on sale though.
Craig: Both shoes at the same time. You normally buy one and then hop for a month?
Marg: Yeah. I’ve got to break ‘em in to see if I want to get the other one.
Craig: Do you have sparkly on your legs?
Marg: I guess he put some kind of thing…yeah.
Craig: Really that’s nice, ‘cause it draws the eye. Not that they weren’t going there anyway, but you know. Now you put your look together right? Obviously. Now I remember talking to you…
Marg: No stylist. All me.
Craig: But you watch Project Runway though? I remember the last time you were here. Have you been watching this season?
Marg: I have.
Craig: What do you think?
Marg: Like who do I think is going to win?
Craig: No, just your general take on the season. ‘Cause I’m watching. I liked it very much at first. But now the designers, I’m watching them. I’m not seeing any break out stars here yet.
Marg: Not yet. No, no. Did you see the All Star one?
Craig: No, I didn’t.
Marg: It was just a one-night thing, and it was all the…some of the previous winners and some of the, you know, the funny ones. Likes what’s his name? Santino Rice? He was on.
Craig: Christian was here. He was once. Everybody loves it when I about Project Runway because they all watch it too.
Craig: Now, do you ever get a sewing machine going yourself?
Marg: No, but I had to do it when I was in seventh grade. In Home Ec. I don’t know if they make girls do that anymore in junior high school.
Craig: I think boys and girls have to do it now.
Marg: Oh, maybe. Well, the girls had to take Home Ec.
Craig: Now, you have to because we’re all the same now. There’s no difference between men and woman for legal reasons apparently.
Marg: Well, did you have to take shop when you were growing up?
Marg: Like woodworking.
Craig: Oh, that kind of thing. Well yeah, I can open cars with one of these (Craig makes a gesture like he’s picking a car lock) Is that what you mean?
Marg: They taught that in school?
Craig: Near school. They taught it near school. I used to be able to hotwire cars, but you can’t do that with cars anymore. I mean you can’t steal a car anymore, Marg. I mean what the hell is going on in the world?
Marg: Vintage cars, you can. In fact, my vintage car was stolen.
Craig: You have a vintage car?
Marg: I did.
Craig: Come closer to Daddy. What do you have?
Marg: I had a 1971 280SL Mercedes convertible.
Craig: That’s nice. That’s very nice, and it got stolen.
Marg: It got stolen.
Craig: You never got it back?
Marg: I didn’t, no
Craig: When did it get stolen?
Marg: About five years ago.
Craig: Oh my God. I think it’s gone now.
Marg: They never found it. Yeah, it’s gone. Why? Do you have vintage cars?
Craig: Well, I have an old Ford Bronco. But it’s really old. No, no it’s an old Ford Bronco truck. It is actually really old. It’s 1968, and I got it from Danny Bonaduce.
Marg: You did?
Craig: But I had to replace the carpets because they’re technically illegal.
Craig: Well, the carpets. Danny had this truck during his “drug” years.
Marg: Okay, okay.
Craig: And the carpets are kind of 90% cocaine.
Marg: But you really bought it from him and you really do have this?
Craig: Yeah, I really have it. It’s a great truck. I can’t believe nobody’s stolen it, But then again, it’s not that great.
Craig: Now the CSI, The big CSI starts on Thursday.
Marg: ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ CSI.
Craig: Yeah I know, where you solve the crimes with, you know.. (Craig makes a sexy pose)
Marg: I have never pushed my breasts together to solve… to ask for a flashlight. Not that I can recall anyway.
Craig: Well, ya know, sweeps is coming. Maybe it’s time…
Marg: You’re right.
Craig: Maybe I could do a guest spot and push ‘em together for ya. You know, just…
Marg: Would you like to do that?
Craig: Yes, very much. Yes, I would very much like that.
Marg: Alright, then you can be on the show. I would love to have you on the show.
Craig: Show, no show whatever. I’ll push ‘em together for you.
Marg: Wait a second! You got married, didn’t you?
Craig: I did, but this is science.
Marg: It’s entertaining, too.
Craig: Yes, science and entertaining. ‘Honey, it was in the cause of science and entertainment.’ I don’t know. Maybe you are right.
Craig: Thanks very much. Yeah it’s still working.
Marg: Yeah, that’s great.
Craig: It’s about eight months now. And I’ve still got my truck, What are the odds?
Marg: Wow, wonderful!
Craig: Hey, do you ever go to Las Vegas? I know you shoot the show in LA right, but do you ever…you go to Vegas to shoot things right?
Marg: Yes we do. In fact actually I was just there Saturday night.
Craig: Did you go to Luv-It’s Custard next to the Stratosphere.
Marg: I heard you like that kind of place.
Craig: I do. Luv-It’s Frozen Custard.
Marg: It’s near the Stratosphere.
Craig: Near the Stratosphere, in a strip mall across the street.
Marg: I’ve never been. I hadn’t even heard of it actually.
Craig: …a bit cracky over there.
Marg: We’ve shot over there. What I recall is that the buildings alternate between wedding chapels and strip clubs.
Craig: Yeah, that would be it.
Craig: Wedding chapel, strip club and custard.
Marg: Yeah, okay.
Craig: You want to take one of these lights down with you.
Marg: Now you really wouldn’t want to eat the custard though. Oh God, I remember one time shooting in this place that was near a strip club, and we were in the parking lot and there was a big billboard for this particular strip club. And they advertised “Home of the five dollar lap dance.”
Craig: What would a five dollar lap dance look like?
Marg: Oh my God!
Craig: ‘Cause I’ve got five dollars burning a hole in my pocket right now.
Marg: Well, check it out. It’s near the Stratosphere, near the custard joint. Luv-It’s?
Craig: You’re welcome, Vegas tourist board.
Craig: We’re out of time, Marg. Will you come and see us again?
Marg: We’re out of time already?! That went by so fast. It’s always so fast and fun.
Craig: Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I get excited and I’m a bit of a “loose cannon.”
Craig: Marg Helgenberger, everybody!